I’m not really complaining, just never know if I’m doing it right.

August 22, 2010 at 11:06 pm 9 comments

This last week I feel like I have got to the point where I just can’t keep up anymore and I probably won’t for the rest of my life.  There are always rooms full of messes, there are always children that need more attention, and there is always a husband who needs to come home to peace and quite.  How does everyone else do it?

How do I know if I am spending enough time with my kids?  I always worry about if they are getting enough attention or watching too much TV or if they are getting enough good food.  I have seen enough children now who are overweight and have skinny parents that I really worry about making sure they eat right and get enough exercise.  Partly because I know I could be feeding them better things but is what I do feed them all that bad? They sit around a lot but the get to move around a lot everyday too.  Is that enough?  When I was a kid I heard a lot of  “you’re a kid with a high metabolism, you can eat whatever you want as long as you brush your teeth.”  Is that true anymore with all the overweight kids out there?  It is so easy to just let the TV babysit while I get some chores done, or say “here’s a cookie” instead of “lets make something healthy that you may or may not eat.”  Do they get to play enough or do I drag them around too much?  At this point they seem to be happy, they seem to be healthy.  Is that enough?

I used to be able to have a clean room for maybe half a day and now it feels like as soon as it gets clean it gets messed up right away.  I enjoy a clean house but it just takes too long now to get it all done in one swoop.  It takes all day and by the time I’m done, its time to start over again. Now Isaac is awake and it is probably going to be another long night only to be followed with a day full of tasks. I’m not really complaining,  I’m afraid I’m doing it all wrong.

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Entry filed under: The Family, Wendy's Posts.

ok YOU try to read this without laughing. Thanks for the Mom help

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Annika  |  August 23, 2010 at 4:04 am

    As so you as figure this all out be sure to let me know. Now with 4 kiddos, I feel like my house has gone to crap and that I work all day and still nothing gets done. I always believe that our work as a mom is the most important, but our home is supposed to be a haven and that’s hard when it’s messy. Good luck!

    Reply
  • 2. Trista Teeter  |  August 23, 2010 at 7:11 am

    Ahhh, I totally understand your frustration. I think as mothers we are granted this wonderful gift called Worry. If there is not something real to be worried and fretting about, I WILL FIND SOMETHING. Sigh.

    I too struggle with the time issue…how do I know my kids are getting enough time. If not, how do I find more time without sacrificing something else?? I think that you just do your best and forget the rest because it will just cause more worry.

    As far as the food stuff goes–I had the same worries. I started reading books and getting info and decided to make the switch to more natural and organic stuff. Yes, it is a bit more costly, but with coupons and sales then we manage with our same budget that we had before. The biggest difference is that I’m not able to stockpile as much, mostly because we eat WAY more fresh stuff. We shop primarily at our local co-op and farmer’s market and love supporting our local farmers by joining in a CSA. Have you heard of Michael Pollan’s “In Defense of Food”? It’s a great book about how our society’s view of food has shifted from a necessity and something to enjoy to something that we view as bad for us or we do just to give ourselves sustenance. It has definitely changed the way I looked at feeding my family.

    And cleaning? Ahhh, the bane of my existence. The job that is never done. For quite awhile I followed motivatedmoms.com chart. It seems daunting, and it is for the first week, but after that then it becomes way easier and your house is constantly clean. The tough part is keeping up with it. I’ve noticed that when I do print off the pages and have them on my counter to see every time I’m in the kitchen, I do SO much better. But when they’re on my computer screen and I can choose whether or not to open that document then yeeeeeah, it doesn’t get done, lol. Another thing kind of like this is Flylady.net. I didn’t like them nearly as much because I don’t like them telling me what to do, lol, but it’s a good one as well.

    Anyways…thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in my feelings that I cannot keep up with life. It’s very frustrating at times.
    Good luck!
    Trista.

    Reply
    • 3. spinellifamily  |  August 23, 2010 at 7:16 am

      Thanks Trista!

      Reply
  • 4. Stacey  |  August 23, 2010 at 8:34 am

    My mom believed she needed to work as hard as my dad did while he was at work. I have decided that this is my job and as my job I work and I am going to be the best at it I can. So I plan my cleaning days. Mondays- laundry. Tuesday- sweep/mop Wednesday- farmer’s market Thursday- dust Friday- bathroom Saturday- yard work. Every night before bed I tidy the house and do the dishes. This way I get my settled feeling of having a clean house without going crazy over everything. And with the kids. Well we aren’t much snackers around here but when we do its usually a go gurt or crackers. Check out food proportions for children, I think it will help you realize they are eating enough of the right foods. Also, I have seen you with your kids and they get lots of mommy time, don’t fret just enjoy, you’ll be doing this a long time.

    Reply
  • 5. Cindy Bess  |  August 23, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Boy, do I remember those days! Structure was very important to me. Remember, in the Doctrine and Covenants it says that the Lord’s house is a house of order. The Spirit has a very hard time dwelling in chaos. I found that, for me, the most effective way was to not allow the messes to happen so then I didn’t have to clean them up! Rules such as, no shoes in the house – 90% of the dirt in your house is tracked in from outside. No eating and wandering. Eat only in the kitchen and sitting down. Kids can quickly learn to follow rules of order. They love to pick up and be helpers. Teach them early to put away a toy after they get it out. Don’t allow mass chaos! Don’t let it get out of control or you will be overwhelmed. Kids need to learn that there are times for everything. Time to play, time to pick up, time to rest, time to eat, etc. Most kids thrive on a schedule and structure – it makes them feel secure and well-loved.

    Reply
  • 6. stefanie giles  |  August 23, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Wendy, I was just bragging about you the other day to my family. I was telling them you are an achiever with drive and ambition. The reason I’m telling you this is because sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. We see ourselves as full of shortcomings but I promise those around you see your strengths and admire your multiple abilities. Do you remember the counsel don’t run faster than you have means our strength? I think that advice was given directly to women because we have this internal desire to strive to be perfect in those responsibilities given to us. As a result, we need a gentle reminder to not try and do it all now but little by little, precept by precept and before long we will experience the joy that comes from balance and faithful effort.

    Reply
  • 7. Sommer  |  August 23, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    hey wendy i totally hear you. our work is never finished, but if you think about it like stacey said……we “work” at home. I sometimes try to think about my chores as i thought my tasks when i was working. i do chores while lindsay is at work as well as other necessary tasks and when he gets home i get my evening too (well at least free of chores, erik still needs me)! When you work in the corporate world your work is never done either, give yourself a break. Sometimes when that is hard i just make a list of 4 things to get done that day and make sure one is a light or fast chore. more than that is too much and i feel accomplished with that. i don’t just write laundry, it will say 1 load whites or darks or whatever. That way as soon as the load is done i can cross it off for the day. That is usually the best way for us.

    Food wise, it is hard. YOu know what will work the best for your family. I try really hard to not buy anything with high fructose corn syrup. It took a while for me to learn the brands that don’t use it but now we rarely have any. Also snacks and things can be easy. a slice of cheese, a tortilla, a piece of fruit. Don’t feel like you have to prepare a fancy dish. Lunches can be random too, more often I fix lunches with just random healthy things and dinner is when a so called meal is prepared. Erik only gets the fun foods (juice boxes, cookies,etc.) on special occasions like trips or when we visit some one else’s house and they offer them. I am hoping it will help him be excited to eat those treats on occasion and not expect them.

    Hope that makes sense and helps.

    Som

    Reply
  • 8. mimi  |  August 23, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    hey wendy,
    there are some great talks by Julie B Beck on motherhood. She is very inspired and amazing at communicating it to the rest of us. This last one was amazing, I reread all her talks because I have the same concerns with you, am I doing it right, am I the best mom I can be, can I do this forever, etc. She really lays it out and I figure she has the mantel and Heavenly Father is speaking through her. The last couple were very relevant to our time. She spoke about simplifying and prioritizing, and of course, being worthy to have and recognize the Spirit daily. You should read these, they calm me down and give me goals to work on, as well as encourage me.

    I think you are a great mom.
    mimi

    Reply
  • 9. Andi  |  August 24, 2010 at 8:46 am

    Wendy,
    First off take a deep breath… 🙂 I think you got it right in your follow up.Look at your blessings. Look at those great kids and wonderful husband you have. Wow. What a blessing to be able to be a mom and a wife. Not everyone has that opportunity.
    As my mom once told me enjoy your children when they are young because you will never get that time back, ever. It is hard. But so worth every second. You have heard me say it before and I will say it again, if I could have one wish it would be to hold my babies one more time. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
    I found having a 10 minute pick up before the kids went to bed was important.Everyone, including the dad went around the entire house and picked up the messes even if it didn’t belong to you and put it away. That way when the kids were in bed the house was picked up and it was great and the family had ownership.
    Another tip-when you are going into another room look around and pick up anything that might need to go where you are going. It just saves time.
    You will find a the right beat for your family. Take what you like from other families and incorporate it into yours. No two families are alike. Make yours what you want it to be. A haven and refuge from the world was my motto. A place where my kids and husband WANTED to be.
    Try to be more positive. It is always more fun to be around someone who is more positive then someone who is negative. When someone is negative and always pointing out the negative it really stinks to be around that kind of energy and your kids feed off of that.
    Remember you are a good mom and a good wife and a good daughter. Remember your in-laws motto forward never straight. LOL Always move forward Wendy and you will never go wrong.
    Love ya,
    Andi

    Reply

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