Dr.Phil inspired thoughts on marriage

January 28, 2009 at 11:07 pm Leave a comment

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I was watching Dr.Phil today and it was about “Honeymoon Hangover” When the honeymoon is over and you see who you really married. He emphasized that you really need to know the person you are going to marry before you get married which is great advice. So there was this couple on the show that decided that they really didn’t “know” each other before they got married because they are having all these problems in their marriage that really stemmed from selfishness. They went through a list of questions they asked each spouse (I think of it as spouse trivia, facts that are important to know but not really important in the larger picture) They were questions like “What is your spouses mothers maiden name?” or “Where was your spouse born” and since they knew I’d say about half of the questions that were asked, it showed the audience that they didn’t really know each other and that was their mistake. The overall message of the show was positive because you do want to know the person you marry and in the end he did say a few word about trying to be selfless but they spent too much time on spouse trivia and not enough on how to be more giving in a relationship.

It got me thinking about what I think is important going into a marriage.  Why can marriages like my parents who met and got married right away last a lifetime and other marriages that are based on years of dating fail within a few years?  I think one of the most important factors that people are not taught about anymore is how to cherish your spouse and truly put them above anything else in your life.  If you are both trying to put your spouses needs above your own than how can you go wrong? I think the best thing Nathan and I did for our marriage was listen to four recorded lectures on how to communicate before we got married. John Lund’s For All Eternity lectures are mainly for married couples but should be heard by anyone who wants to learn how to communicate and improve their relationship with any person in their life. I know our marriage is still in its early years but we have never had a fight where we really yelled at one another (Mostly because  I think I have the most patient husband ever, I have put him through some hard stuff) but also because we learned how to communicate more effectively and support each other. If people only took seriously that they need to commit to, respect, and uplift their spouse I think the divorce rate would go down significantly.

I didn’t know a whole lot of spouse trivia about Nathan before we were married because we didn’t have a whole lot of one on one time.  I mostly got to know him when he was dating my roommate and during that time I found out three thing; he was a good friend, he was dedicated to the Lord, and he cherished his relationship with his future wife.  Honestly that is all I needed to know.  After I am angry with him and I have the fleeting thought of why did I get myself into this, I always remember that he is a good man and he truly wants good things for me and our children and I am lucky to have him for that.

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Entry filed under: Wendy's Posts.

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